Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Yesterday, Holly, Pax, and I finished tilling the raised beds and planted seeds for various veggies. I didn't really document the process (Holly might have).
And I thought to myself, "What if this is it? Simply tilling the ground and planting stuff for the sake of growing it? For the sake of harvesting it?"
That might sound strange to you, but for someone like me, most everything I do is material. Material to blog about (like I'm doing now). Material to gather to make a case for why my life is meaningful, helpful, of value. It's another way to prove myself.
Part of that is unhealthy, I know, I know. And part of it is my wiring. I'm an achiever, a performer. And that's okay.
But I wondered what it'd be like to just live a small life. Using my own person as a feedback loop instead of looking for digital validation from friends across the world. Proving myself to only...myself.
And I don't know where I'm at with answering the question about it being it. And I'm certainly not interested in you telling me that it's going to be okay or that I don't need to feel that way. Because if you say that, you simply do not understand my compulsion, simple as that. :)
But I will say that I consider more and more the idea of simply living for myself, not for others. That is, trying to save myself, to change myself, to really live for myself rather than always thinking how this might appear to people, how people will understand it, etc. To do something simply because I'd like to, because I want to, not because it toes some ideaology's line.
It's a discipline for me. Yes, becoming human is a challenge for me. Living small, as most of us live, is hard for me. Living human size, without all the hype and success. But I'm trying.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
300 kilometers per hour
So fucking fast
Eyes can focus only on the far horizon
I breathe slowly, slower
Tomorrow the pace accelerates all the more
Thousands of miles in a matter of hours
To help me anticipate
The rush of home
Life: Sped up
Will I submit again to it's frantic pace?
Or laugh at the folly of squinting,
Attempting to focus on the blurring trees in spring?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
back to Paris. I only hope there's time to grab some bread or perhaps
About 10 miles walked and 3 wineries experienced. Only 1 spoke any
English at all. It was great. This is a great region.
One winemaker gifted me a bottle of their 1990. Wow. What a gift. It
all started when she poured me that aged drink. What color! What
aroma! How mellow! How complex!
"Where's your wife?" she asked. With our son, in Paris. "Take this
bottle back to her and let me know how you two like it."
"Merci," I responded.
"Grr," my stomach just interrupted.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
"The relationship between anxiety and seriousness is so predictable that the absence of playfulness in any institution is almost always a clue to the degree of its emotional regression."
"Taking about our feelings is a cultural phenomenon rather than the only path to recovery."
Saturday, April 11, 2009
and how information intersects with it.
I just had a thought: Perhaps the deluge of information we imbibe
(through indie or mainstream media, conversations with others, books
we read, etc.) reallocates our emotional resources to problems "out
there" when in reality all we might be able to address are our own
The question "How do people (and groups) change?" has been with me a
long time. How to "pastor" people and how best to see change in my own
life might simply lie in how I respond to my immediate world. That
sounds small and even selfish...the suggestion that I cannot solve
poverty "out there" but only "in here".
I have been all over the map in my responses to the question of
change, but this makes sense to me currently.
I rage against it, but feel it all the same: " Change yourself and you
change the world."
This toes in with earlier posts I've made about limiting our intake of
information. I wonder if I should consider the flip side of that coin:
Limiting the contribution of new or synthesized information (like
blogging, fb, etc.) Does it distract from "real life"?
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Monday, April 06, 2009
Sunday, April 05, 2009
We got to taste in Vouvray...some yummy Chenin Blanc...both sparkling and still, dry and sweet. But then on to Bourgeuil and St Joseph for Cab Franc. It's interesting being in wine areas where they each only produce a single varietal. Narrow and focused. Yummy reds, some oaked and some not. Suprisingly, they were both good.
We got to chat with 2 winemakers as we tasted their reds. Sierra and Craig helped translate. So cool to meet these small-batch artists.
It was a wonderful day. Dan and Adam ran out to find some Chinois food to match with our newfound "Champagne" of Vouvray Chenin Blanc. Should be friggin yum.
Final count for our group: 33 75cl bottles, 1 magnum and 4 10L Boxes...and all for around $5/bottle (or less!)