Monday, July 17, 2006

Voluntary Displacement (or "Woe Is Me")

These last 9 months for us have been amazing...sharing story and life and love and music with so many friends across our world. We have been graciously hosted, fed, loved on, listened to, shown around town, etc.

But we are beginning to (no, not beginning...we have been for quite a while) draw from our reserve tank. The constant up and down and in and out and here and there is beginning to create large knots in our backs and a strain on our life.

I jokingly referred to it as Voluntary Displacement earlier this year...and that has been the best description I can come up with. It has been a discipline in attachment...or dis-attachment rather. Everytime we begin to get comfortable, we intentionally move ourselves elsewhere.

So what's a couple (with child on the way) to do when it feels like it's time to practice Voluntary Placement...into a particular context and time and space? It's been a difficult transition.

We have been in San Francisco for the last few days and nights looking for places to live. It has been a bit disheartening. And the City itself causes me to feel a bit disoriented. The idea of the City energizes me...but the reality causes further feelings of displacement...and like I said, we are running on fumes.

Top that with the fact that we have zilcho cash. We have multiple clients who are either late on payment or who have so extended project deadlines that we literally are out of money...until they pay. So in some ways, finding an apartment wouldn't make a whole hell of a lot of difference...because we couldn't pay for a place yet anyway.

Then compound that with the fact that Holly has been sleeping awfully...which means I've been sleeping awfully...and that means we both frustrate each other in small things.

In some ways, I think the hardest thing is that we have let ourselves think that we're nearing the end of this whole our expectations have changed, you know? No longer is excitement drawn from sleeping in different cities/places/ it's dread that it causes.

And then there's the fact that I won't be able to make it to Troy's ordination next weekend...and that Mike and Stacy are constantly on our hearts and that it's been hot as hades (not really) in the Bay these last several days...let's see, is there anything else I can say?

Okay, that's enough bitching for one Monday morning. Just a day in the life I guess.


Maria Kenney said...

Hang in there. I remember all too well the growing discomfort (and belly) of later pregnancy. It's hard to not be able to nest when the urge kicks in!

We'll be praying for y'all -- sleep, housing, everything -- and will hold hope for things settling down, and setting well.

Kirsty said...

I bet all the travelling is wearing, I can relate to the displacing feeling, it is tough. It's like you get into people's live so much and then bam you're gone, but at the same time the things you experience and the ways you grow couldn't happen if you stayed in one spot, its kinda a cache 22.

I bet things are stressful, but it will all be worth it when you hold that kid in your arms:)

So you guys are thinking of moving to the Bay Area? That's sweet. I'll be heading there too for sure, just heard that i've been accepted to go on staff with YWAM there.

Hope you get everything sorted out. You're allowed to bitch on a Monday morning, hehe

Peace and blessings

Andrew Greenhalgh said...

Sounds like it's been a crazy ride, man. I totally empathize with that whole "no sleep" thing as we're living the post-pregnancy part of it right now! It only gets more interesting here on out!

On a more practical and sincere note, anything we can do to help? If so, don't hesitate to ask.

joshuarudd said...

Trust me. We know how you feel. Sounds like it's time to start putting your clients on a new payment schedule (I've started billing mine every 30 days instead of half before and half after - since projects always take longer than at first expected).