These last 9 months for us have been amazing...sharing story and life and love and music with so many friends across our world. We have been graciously hosted, fed, loved on, listened to, shown around town, etc.
But we are beginning to (no, not beginning...we have been for quite a while) draw from our reserve tank. The constant up and down and in and out and here and there is beginning to create large knots in our backs and a strain on our life.
I jokingly referred to it as Voluntary Displacement earlier this year...and that has been the best description I can come up with. It has been a discipline in attachment...or dis-attachment rather. Everytime we begin to get comfortable, we intentionally move ourselves elsewhere.
So what's a couple (with child on the way) to do when it feels like it's time to practice Voluntary Placement...into a particular context and time and space? It's been a difficult transition.
We have been in San Francisco for the last few days and nights looking for places to live. It has been a bit disheartening. And the City itself causes me to feel a bit disoriented. The idea of the City energizes me...but the reality causes further feelings of displacement...and like I said, we are running on fumes.
Top that with the fact that we have zilcho cash. We have multiple clients who are either late on payment or who have so extended project deadlines that we literally are out of money...until they pay. So in some ways, finding an apartment wouldn't make a whole hell of a lot of difference...because we couldn't pay for a place yet anyway.
Then compound that with the fact that Holly has been sleeping awfully...which means I've been sleeping awfully...and that means we both frustrate each other in small things.
In some ways, I think the hardest thing is that we have let ourselves think that we're nearing the end of this whole experiment...so our expectations have changed, you know? No longer is excitement drawn from sleeping in different cities/places/beds...now it's dread that it causes.
And then there's the fact that I won't be able to make it to Troy's ordination next weekend...and that Mike and Stacy are constantly on our hearts and that it's been hot as hades (not really) in the Bay these last several days...let's see, is there anything else I can say?
Okay, that's enough bitching for one Monday morning. Just a day in the life I guess.