Saturday, December 13, 2008

I, (not) Artist

I have been wondering these past weeks if I'm less of an "artist" and
more of a "sloppy engineer who doesn't respect rules if they are
binding."

I have been aware, for a very long time, that I am very left-right
brained. I'm an 8 who is locked up by empathy and people-pleasing. I'm
a walking paradox.

And this helps make sense of my feelings of fakeness around "real
artists" and of course around non-rule-breaking types as well.

I'm not talking about the definition of artist that says everyone is
one. Of course I know I am one in some sense.

But I'm not an Artist. Or at least I don't fit nicely into that
category. Which–as soon as I'm ready to pat myself on the back for–I
realize that it also means I hardly ever do anything way better than
anyone else. I'm not specialized or really uniquely gifted.

I'm not even particularly interested in reading artist (or even
musical) publications. I don't read books about business or branding.

I'm kind of a professional poser. Holly is a much truer artist than
I'll ever be.

This isn't some pity party at all. Just a strange semi-public
recognition that I make my money in a field that I only sorta swim in.
But it's a convenient category to slip into for some time while I get
my shit together.

4 comments:

The Misfit Toy said...

what a load of manure. it seems like someone told you that the measure of a true artist is how well they follow rules, and how powerfully they can defeat other artists in secret artist-ninjitsu. you know better my mighty friend.

totally appluad the quest for place and name. i am lost too. but you have to tell yourself true stories or the quest is meaningless.

Tyson said...

Welcome to the human experience-paradox!! And yet we all travel on, in our art, in our family, in our faith, in our strength, in our weaknesses.

david said...

spoken like a true arter!

Ryan Lee Sharp said...

I might have mis-typed. I meant to say that I fit into neither camp of...

A) Artists - Do whatever the fuck they want, break open The Eye, disregard the rules, thing in fluidity...

or B) The General Engineer - Bound by rules, make things "work"...

Of course any category as a singular identity is flawed as categories are merely constructs...containers to hold things like values and actions and whatnot.

I guess all I meant to say here is that I realize that when I hang with real artist-types, I feel inferior (and superior, mind you, as I am not only an expert on one small thing).