Life that is Death that is Life

Much reflection the last several months on death. Not so much the final death, but more the small deaths along the way. Putting things to rest. Allowing the leaves to wither. Putting dreams away. Letting go.

It seems to me that life is a series of small deaths. And with each one, we must choose whether we'll accept the death or try to best it.

There are those deaths I have chosen to accept along the way. And there are those that I'll fight to outrun until I am finally gone. Or until I choose to give in. From fear. Or exhaustion. Or because it seems the right thing at some point along the way.

Rilke said that death is the one truth. I say that life is a series of deaths that we get to experience and interact with. What we do with those deaths determines what kind of life we'll live.

We are immortal. Until we die.

Compartmentalization versus Integration

Something has been plaguing me these last few months. Not in a really obnoxious way, but there all the same. A binary that is asking for judgement.

Of course, this happens to me all the time. I do really want to live well, to live (dare I say) right in the world. And this requires constant re-assessment of the values I choose to live by.

On NPR a few months back, a fella was being interviewed about the development of our human species. Things that make us unique, above the other animals. And one of those features was our ability to compartmentalize.

Now I've spent most of my life trying to understand integration. And that path led me in some frustrating (albeit enlightening) directions. For many years, I really wanted all to be centralized in my life. I sought for my values to be enacted at work, in play, with friends AND family. This meant some interesting things like choosing to work with clients we aligned with (and turning down others from time to time), choosing to live in particular areas (and not others), shop certain places, you get the idea.

But I realized a few things along the way:

• Not all values are right for all situations. And most of life is nuanced.
• Living by MY values all the time is very isolating and perhaps even very egocentric. It assumes that my values (no matter where they came from) are inherently RIGHT all the time.
• It pumped my ego and made me feel as though I was living right.
  
• It's just an impossibility. And I felt like a failure an awful lot.

But to say that compartmentalization is a higher virtue, well, that feels awkward to me. Yet it also feels right. I wonder if the cognitive dissonance is actually good for the soul. It complicates things. I guess it's what you do with these complexities that answers whether compartmentalization or integration are more virtuous.

And of course, they probably both are. But if they both are, then we essentially must nest compartmentalization into a greater integration, no?

2012

It's been a long time. And truthfully, I've not had much that I've wanted to say here. There is a season that is right and that season had waned into another. One marked by greater internalization.

But I am still here. And there.

I feel that I might pick this old public journal back up from time to time. Jot a few thoughts. Try to connect some of the dots inside that feel disconnected, yet related.

And this simple declaration is a first step for me. So let's see where this goes...

Reflecting on Rilke

So grateful for Krista Tippet's On Being. Especially this recent episode.

It brought me back to a Rilke poem I read years ago...

I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.
I've been circling for thousands of years
and I still don't know: am I a falcon,
a storm, or a great song?

It causes me to pause, breathe deep, and let out a long sigh. How I have been circling for thousands of years. Yes. I have.

Joanna Macy talks about her spiritual journey in the link above...and I found so much resonance with her ideas and feelings. I am so thankful that a show like On Being (previously Speaking of Faith) exists. This is a program that I doubt would have had much listenership in the decades prior. But I believe that our world is shifting. And I feel like On Being is a sort of artifact of that shift.

Yesterday, as I listened to this episode (again, linked above), I was brought down to earth, back to my self, my Self. And reminded who I am and what I have been doing with my life. Still, in so many ways I do not know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?

Harvest and Crush 2010

Wow, it's been such an amazing fall...our first real harvest as ENSO Winery. It's been so much fun, such hard work, and we've been getting great props all around.

Thought I'd share this video that Jon Irvine put together for us. It just makes me smile...

ENSO Harvest / Crush 2010 Video from Enso Winery on Vimeo.

ENSO September Tasting Parties

Yo, yo. We're releasing some wine! We have bottled our '09 Washington Dry Riesling as well as our '08 Washington Malbec/Grenache blend. They're both lovely wines.

If you're in Portland or the Bay Area this month, please swing out to one of our tasting parties, try some wine and buy a case (or at least a bottle)! We'll be offering great "start-up" discounts.

We've launched the new ENSO website to keep you apprised of all that's going on and to give you a place to order. Check it out...

Here is the flyer for the Portland party on September 18th. Please pass it along / feel free to repost it. RSVP on Facebook here.


And here's the one for our Oakland party on September 11th. Same...and here's the RSVP for that one.


Really hope to see you there for this historic (at least for me) event.

Some Pics from Camping

We just returned to Portland from a 10-day trip to CA. We were at Donner Lake with Holly's family, South Lake Tahoe with my family, and then we went camping on Lake Siskiyou with some good friends.

Here's a picture of my family on the last day at Tahoe...



And here are a few from Lake Siskiyou...






And more here and here.

Hikes and Shakes

The Temper (Tantrum) Trap

My Firstborn

Mama and Baby

Hold It High For Me

Thanks Ritter...

For every cry in the night
Somebody says, "Have faith!"
"Be content inside your questions"
"Minotaurs inside a maze"
Tell me what's the point of light
When you have to strike a match to find?

So throw away those lamentations
We both know them all too well
If there's a book of jubilations
We'll have to write it for ourselves
So come and lie beside me darling
And let's write it while we still got time

Reflections on Timothy Lake

Just a Little Something I Whipped Up

Some Pics of the Yard/Garden

A New Poem

908 SE 35th Avenue
by Ryan Lee Sharp

I wake up early
But only as my choice
Clean and measure
6 cups water
4 level scoops
Press the button and

Open the backdoor
Creaks and bells
A mixture of blue, white, and green
Walk the vines
The fence that lines the perimeter
Hold hands with my unknowing inebriators
A manicure for those gone astray
And cord to pull them back into line
Turn my back to the cherry tree
And re-enter the Home

The Children quiet and content to "be"
Something I can tell them about
But may never show them

Beep-beep-beep
Two mugs clank
One thick-lipped
One thin-rimmed
Milk, cream, and coffee made singular

A delivery to the Wife
Who has slept well, taken a hot shower,
And now greets me with a smile
So familiar that I don't recognize it as such

Cheers! to deep breaths
Another power button, perhaps a shower of my own,
Or words from a distant friend, asking if it's all a dream

90 Minutes of Perfection

Drove up the Columbia for a short hike this AM.

Language and Symbol

Nothing I haven't said before, but Sam Keen says it well in his book In The Absence of God. Sorry these are so small and that they are images, but c'est la vie. The first 2 paragraphs really get at the relationship between language and symbol while the following paragraphs speak of the relationship's subversion and manipulation for power and solidarity.

Happy Weekend.

Taking Time (and Kia Meng) to Smell the Roses

Friend in from Malaysia. Rainy day in Washington Park.

Update On Our Wine

As Dan posted on his new blog, our homemade Zinfandel is coming along quite nicely. Just racked it into a neutral barrel to get the wine off the yeast sediment that was created. This is one of the natural ways to get around filtering.

I am considering a fining option which would remove a bit of the diacetyl characteristics left by malolactic fermentation. Decisions like this are tricky as you begin to open Pandora's box. But alas, the butterscotch-y flavors are a little too pronounced.

All in all, it's becoming a really great wine. A few more adjustments and then we should be ready to bottle. Exciting.