that is my tattoo that i spoke of the other day... thought the visual might help... or disturb you at how ink under the human epidermis tends to bleed towards itself...
its so funny to me how i want to be esteemed and encouraged... "like me, like me" i cry out without a single word...
tonight i took my 15 year old buddy zach with some of the anchor point folks and my wife to boomers... boomers is kind of a high school hangout it seems... at least this one in north county... anyways, i just remember thinking to myself, i wonder if i look like an old guy?... like, the way i dress, is it so 1997?... and i dont really care, i mean not really, but i want zach to think im cool...
so, i am probably taking this position at a church in east san diego where i will be developing and cultivating the creative consciousness of the student ministry... itll kind of put me in a position to have some influence in some students lives and i am like, will they even listen to me?... i mean, one of the beauty of the post-structuralist, post-establishment mentality is that it thinks for itself (sorta), but the down side is, they dont listen to authority very well...
and i dont want to be authority... god, will i even know what to do with adolescents in groups?... i mean, timber i was okay, but i ended up not agreeing with half the stuff i was doing, like scolding kids for not 'worshipping god with reverance'... what a bunch of bs: i was merely wanting to create a sanitary, controlled environment to achieve a certain response (ie. get kids 'into' it)...
anyways, i am so tired, taking lisa to the airport this morning and all...
mark says i torture myself... stop second guessing yourself, ryan... or maybe i should second guess myself?...
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