A Truly International Experience

Ouch.

Moving.

Packing in San Francisco. Moving to Oakland. Looking for houses in Portland.

The Grim Cheney

China and Burma

We know some folks (who know some folks) who are in Burma, doing relief work. We also have friends in China who are now in the Sichuan region.

If you're looking to donate some money in that general direction for relief, food, etc., email me and I can put you in touch with them.

Manufacturing Abundance

It's nice to be home from Kaua'i...and it's not. I loved the trip. It certainly was (as Jared wished us) life-giving.

It gave me some time to get away and think (and not think). One of the things I thought about was my ongoing inner dialogue about scarcity versus abundance. I used to think about this in a purely abstract, theoretical way. But these days, I think of it more in terms of reality...my life, mainly.

I have tried to shift paradigms over the last years, from a deeply entrenched idea of scarcity into a more generous world of abundance. I hoped that if God's economy was an economy of abundance, then I should embrace that and move beyond our very capitalistic idea of scarcity.

But I realized that, true to Ryan Sharp form, I found myself burned out and pissed off at the end of a few years of "trying on" abundance as a paradigm for how I measure and distribute myself, my money, and my time/energy/whatnot. I have thought about this at great length over the last several months and had an epiphany in Kaua'i: I have not been living naturally in this World of Abundance; I have been manufacturing this world.

Do you see what I mean here?

I am not suggesting that God's economy is false or not real. No, no. This comes down to me. I tend to force things that don't come naturally. And this is what I have done again. Instead of living in response to God's abundance, I sort of forced myself into Abundance. And I find myself tired and wanting. I chalked it up as virtue being costly along the way, but I think of the Tao te Ching proverb that I posted month's back: High Virtue is non-virtuous. Therefore it has virtue. And by that definition, I have lived into Low Virtue (a sort of idolizing of virtue). This is something I think about.

Off to Kauai

Tomorrow morning, me and the misses take a direct flight from San Francisco to Kauai. We'll be there for 5 days and 4 nights. Sans Pax. Ahh. Sweet freedom. Funny thing is, I'm sure we'll talk about him all day and end up missing him dearly.

Still, I'm so looking forward to the beach, sun, booze, scuba-diving, hiking, eating, etc...all on our own time-table. And we won't need to ask for a highchair. Ahh.

I won't be blogging, so uh, have a great week.

What if We Stopped Waiting?

I saw this on a trash can this morning. I have been asking myself and others this question for some time. I don't know that that provokes me to stop, but it makes me think.

Out to see Molly Jenson

It was a fun night seeing her at the Swedish American Hall.

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Saturday Walk

SoCha!

If you're in SF tonight, The Cobalt Season will be playing it's last show for a few months.

Come to SoCha Cafe @ 8 (Mission @ Valencia).

If you're not in SF, or can't leave your house tonight, we'll be streaming the show live @ 8 PM PST.

Myanmar

[sigh]

How long, oh Lord? Please give SE Asia a break.

On a Date

It seems like the first time in a long time...

Google Me?

21st century graffiti?

I Care About Those Poor People Too

Hats off to you Van Steenwyk. Great stuff.

Last SoCha show

We play our last of 6 shows at SoCha this Friday. Come join us for a drink and some tunes. We have this show and another in Oakland in June and then The Cobalt Season will be taking some time away from playing live since Jared's getting married and honeymooning and Holly will be hibernating while she paints her new series.

So, come one, come all! Also, we'll try to stream it live here on the blog.

8pm | May 9th | Socha Café | Mission/29th

Life As Experiment

I have been reflecting alot these last few weeks. Lots on my mind. Lots is always on my mind.

But I have been evaluating our approach to life...that is, Holly's and my approach.

We have probably done more than most folks will do in their entire lives...

We have traveled extensively across the US and Europe and parts of Asia. I have sat on the board of 2 non-profits. We have toured with 2 bands nationally and internationally. We have helped to launch 3 communities. We have lived in the woods, in the city, on the beach, and in the 'burbs. We have spent more time together as a married couple than most couples will spend together in their entire lives. We have started a corporation and run it while co-parenting our child.

And in all of these situations, we have (at one time or another) given ourselves completely and been burned and burned out. And I guess that is one challenge of living one's life as an experiment...sometimes the outcome is simply limitations, failure, and disappointment. And we are to tell ourselves that this is as valuable as opportunities, success, and happiness. But sometimes it's hard to convince me sometimes.

Limitation is a difficult thing to realize about one's self. But in pushing into anything, you will eventually discover it's limits. One's life might not be all that different. And it's important to realize these limitations and live with them in mind. Sometimes that feels like selling out or being lazy...because you don't push yourself as hard with particular things as you once did. But what are we to do? Act as though we have limitless potential in all things, in all places, in all relationships? It's simply insincere to do so.

Still, to live life as an experiment brings about much beauty and direction...at least as much as it provides disappoint and dead-ends. And so we live open-handed, open-eyed, in that liminal space called Reality. Or at least we try to.

Thank God for The Weepies

If you haven't purchased their new album, do it now.

Yesterday, when you were young,
Everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone,
What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now.

You know there will be days when you're so tired that you can't take another step,
The night will have no stars and you'll think you've gone as far as you will ever get

But you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

And you and me walk on
Yeah you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

Afternoon Coffee Walk

Evening Ritual

Thanks to Mark's recommendation and Dan's purchase, we have been enjoying some of the best $3.99 Zin I can remember ever having each night. Since we've been home, we've worked during the day, had dinner, and then worked in the evening, polishing off a bottle a night between the 2 of us. Mmm.

[sigh]

So, we're back home. It's nice to be back in familiar surroundings and to be back in my own bed.

But I will say that this tour was one of our best ones yet. It was much more chill and relational than our last few have been. There's so much that goes into touring that it's hard to be "on" and "available" all the time. Something about this trip was different. Jared? Holly? Pax? Care to weigh in?

So, the updates on life...in case I haven't spilled the beans yet...

We move out of San Francisco on/before June 1st. We're moving to Oakland to take over Craig and Lora's digs for a while (since they're relocating to Paris for 3 years or more). It'll be a lovely place to spend the summer. Our hope is to join them in Paris for October (just after picking, crushing, fermenting, pressing and oaking our first batch of wine).

Who knows where from there. We dream of Portland. But we can be swayed back and forth, depending on the conversation and time of year.

I continue to take my classes (or really, class) on winemaking. That still remains a slightly more distant dream. Perhaps we'll be able to get some property in the next couple a few years. Who knows?

Learning to live more open-handed is hard for me. As Rick said, I have constructed my life very well. But it is just that...constructed. What to do? Try to live more open-handed I guess.

The evening's wine is catching up with me, so I must be off to bed. Peace and rest for us all.

Sawdust Mural @ Dolores Park

Home

We made it home last night, just after our show in Suisun City. What a great trip. Updates and whatnot to follow. But wanted to let you know that we're home, safe and sound.

Jared has posted a few pics here.