It's nice to be home from Kaua'i...and it's not. I loved the trip. It certainly was (as Jared wished us) life-giving.
It gave me some time to get away and think (and not think). One of the things I thought about was my ongoing inner dialogue about scarcity versus abundance. I used to think about this in a purely abstract, theoretical way. But these days, I think of it more in terms of reality...my life, mainly.
I have tried to shift paradigms over the last years, from a deeply entrenched idea of scarcity into a more generous world of abundance. I hoped that if God's economy was an economy of abundance, then I should embrace that and move beyond our very capitalistic idea of scarcity.
But I realized that, true to Ryan Sharp form, I found myself burned out and pissed off at the end of a few years of "trying on" abundance as a paradigm for how I measure and distribute myself, my money, and my time/energy/whatnot. I have thought about this at great length over the last several months and had an epiphany in Kaua'i: I have not been living naturally in this World of Abundance; I have been manufacturing this world.
Do you see what I mean here?
I am not suggesting that God's economy is false or not real. No, no. This comes down to me. I tend to force things that don't come naturally. And this is what I have done again. Instead of living in response to God's abundance, I sort of forced myself into Abundance. And I find myself tired and wanting. I chalked it up as virtue being costly along the way, but I think of the Tao te Ching proverb that I posted month's back: High Virtue is non-virtuous. Therefore it has virtue. And by that definition, I have lived into Low Virtue (a sort of idolizing of virtue). This is something I think about.