apple imac g5 released...

wow, i was just able to see these last night at the apple store... incredible to the touch... compelling to the eye... noiseless to the ear...

i always said that if steve jobs began a religious organization, i would glady join... blindly... and my brother tells me that apple is a religious organization, thus making me an avid member of steve's cult... yoo-hoo!...

so, check out apple's site for more info on it...

capitalism and christ...

i remember writing a paper in my years at christian college entitled 'can chrisianity and capitalism coexist?'... it was a bit young and naive in some of its presuppositions and interpretations, but it definitely was proof that something was beginning in me that would continue to unfold... and continues to unfold...

i was reading in the gospel of mark today... as i came to chapter 4, verses 24-25, a feeling surged inside me... let me show you what jesus says here:

"...be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes."

it's interesting how many people when faced with some of these sayings of jesus reply with the notions of saving and 'being good stewards' and things of this nature... not that i feel like its a right/wrong thing (that is, perhaps they are not mutually exclusive), but i think i have heard way more 'shrewd advice' in the ways of working hard, saving your money, buying a house, and making your way in the world... what did a friend of mine say this morning?... 'couples that are just trying to get ahead'...

what does that mean?... getting ahead?...

in reading the gospel of matthew a couple weeks ago, i remember this being a theme of jesus' teachings: 'be generous'... with your lives, possessions, resources...

how can we be more generous... on a personal level, on a family level, on a community level, and perhaps on a political level?... thoughts?...

a great conversation about the worship in the emerging church...

here is a great thought-provoking post regarding the modern worship movement in the mainline and liberal traditions of america... but it got me thinking about the emerging church movement and how it is going to be hard to be deconstructing our theologies and even building new ones while still cuddling up to old worship favorites...

so, the challenge is finding/writing songs that will be more inclusive, that will perhaps ask questions, that will perhaps be more subversive, that will perhaps challenge people as opposed to just giving them answers... what about a song that recounts the places in scripture where different characters felt as though god had abandoned them... and the refrain could be 'god where are you? feeling so lost, feeling so numb... i thought you loved me, what am i to do?'...

perhaps that is a little too narcicistic (sp?)... but what about songs that really do affirm god's sense of justice and care for the oppressed?... ala, 'where the streets have no name' and dont just set it up as a song about 'what heaven will be like' (i have done this) but rather 'what god wants this world to look like?...

the modern worship movement panders to felt needs, either exclusive or sappy theology (i am guilty of this as a 'worship' songwriter), and simplicity that borders on naivity... perhaps we need some songs that challenge, broaden our minds, and recognize the complexity of our lives/situations...

perhaps mantras would be better suited?... or something other than music?... perhaps the 'modern worship movement' cannot be transformed into the 'postmodern worship movement'?... perhaps we are holding onto things like stained glass and hymnals by holding onto tomlin, hughes, and crowder?...

just thoughts, but i would love to hear anyone elses... this is a big deal for those of us who touch on 'worship ministries' in our churches... if we are to live by conscience and not be simple convenience, we must begin thinking about these things...

two sites i think you should know about...

well, i am now a card-carrying member of the sierra club... i just got my first issue of their magazine... very informative...

i think we would all do well to consider all the great attrocities that this administration has inflicted upon the north american and global environment... and how the affects us...

two websites... the first to get involved... the second to educate us beyond fossil fuels...

off to hike this afternoon in the san diego mountains with mi hermosa y mi esposa... wunderbar!...

jet li and jesus of nazareth...

i continue to awe in these new thoughts that god was at work in other places than what is just in the bible... now, i know to many that sounds ridiculous that i am only realizing this at age 27 and not sooner... but i guess thats just how i was raised...

god interacted with the nation of israel (only)... then god was presented in the person of christ (only)... and then the religion of christianity was the working act of god (only)... again this is what i was raised to believe... not my convictions in the now...

so, if you have not seen hero and plan to, there might be some spoilers, so understand that before reading the rest of this post...



i am still taking this movie in in retrospect and am recounting many things about it... so poetic... this film is beautiful... simply beautiful...

putting down our sword is the last thing that we think of in the ever-conquering world we live in... i think of how timely this movie is in regards to the current american empire that is being built... man, has much changed as we have 'progressed'?...

the life of 'nameless' (sound like the way-force called the tao) is intriguing... especially in regards to the reference i made in an earlier post about the early chinese translation of the gospel of st. john... "In the beginning was Tao, and Tao was with God, and Tao was God..."

nameless is this seemingly perfect indivudual that is seeking to overthrow the empire that is causing bloodbath... but it is not with the sword that he subverts the empire... and his life is taken...

i also wondered (in awe) about all the martial-arts of gravity-defying stuff they were doing... walking on water and such... i wonder if these stories of a hero-savior-atoner in this chinese history are not that different from what we read about in books like the bible or the koran or the vedas... perhaps god was doing different things in each culture, telling his story... but each time, in their own context... perhaps the christian version wasn't suitable for all nations at all times... i mean the version we think christian...

my mind is still swirling right now... i am going to sleep and think about this again tomorrow and write some more...

another worthy piece from sojourners...

this will be worth your time in laughter...

"In the beginning was Tao..." and war...

What a great book. Thomas Merton's Mystics and Zen Masters is an incredible find for me. Been reading in the last couple days in my free time. Just finished the third chapter. Incredible stuff.

His premise for the book (which is a combination of essays and treatises) is that much of the Eastern-Oriental traditions can help compliment, even complete, Western Christianity. Here is a great sample of that such thought...

We hopefully look forward not to an age of eclecticism and syncretism, certainly, but to an age of understanding and adaptation that will be able to synthesize and make use of all that is good and noble in all the traditions of the past. If the world is to survive and if civilization is to endure or rather perhaps weather its present crisis and recover its dimension of "wisdom," we must hope for a new world culture that takes account of all civilized philosophies.

This book was first published in the early sixties and has such relevance for today. In America's War on Terror (read "War on Anyone who goes against the American Way of Life") where it is viewed by much of the non-christianized world as quasi-religious (at least) in nature insofar as we are erradicating a percieved bad to replace it with an American good. I think we would do better to reconsider such things.

So, chapter two deals primarily with Confucianism and Taoism (both fascinatingly complimentary in their pure forms to Christ's teachings and life - interesting to wonder what God was doing in these traditions around the times of the Persian exile for the Jews... perhaps some of these nations we read of in Malachi that are glorifying God could be the Eastern nations?... perhaps God was already doing something there?...). The sayings of Confucius (actually Kung Tzu) have at the root of them the notion that man is by nature good, not bad. Therefore, we do not need to make him good as much as we need to educate and nurture the good within. Kinda goes with some of Mike's thoughts on the Image of God?

So, a story that one of Kung Tzu's students centuries later uses to illustrate this is one of a beautifully wooded mountain. (You may have heard of this; it is the Ox Mountain parable.) [It] was near a center of population out of which men came with axes and cut down the trees of the forest. When the trees began to grow again, they set their flocks to graze on the mountainside, and the flocks ate up the green shoots. No one would believe the mountain had once been wooded.

Merton continues: So too with man: he is naturally inclined to virtue, but his actions, in a greedy and grasping society, so completely destroy all evidence of his innate goodness that he appears to be naturally evil.

Take that reformers! Just kidding, but the idea of the total depravity of man is in no way what I see in the world, nor what I see in the Kingdom of God, which Christ says is ever-expanding like yeast. Hmm. Emerson and Thoreau echoed some of these thoughts, as we read on our desert excursion last week. Faith not just in man, but faith in what God is doing in man.

So that's some of what I pulled from Confucianism, but Taoism had even more to pull from (but my time runs short...).

Dr. Wu, when he translated the Gospel of John into Chinese 30 years ago, began with the words: "In the beginning was Tao, and Tao was with God, and Tao was God." Pretty interesting, ey? Especially for those of you who have studied Taoism or who have read the Tao Te Ching.

One "reaches" the Tao by "becoming like" the Tao, by acting, in some sense according to the "way" (Tao). Sounds like living in rhythm with God in the way of Christ doesn't it?

Well, enough for now... but a parting quote from the Tao Te Ching.

To rejoice over a victory is to rejoice over the slaughter of men!
Hence a man who rejoices over the slaughter of men cannot expect to thrive in the world of men.

desert fathers on prayer through the voice of henri nouwen...

i began reading henri's "the way of the heart" given to me by a friend for a desert getaway... i read part of it earlier this week in j tree, the remainder today here at my place... i am almost finished, but wanted to recap on some of what i have read... good stuff...

The literal translation of the words "pray always" is "come to rest". The Greek word for rest is hesychia, and hesychasm is the term which refers to the spirituality of the desert. A hesychast is a man or a woman who seeks solitude and silence as the ways to unceasing prayer.

Theophan the Recluse: "To pray is to descend with the mind into the heart, and there to stand before the face of the Lord, ever-present, all-seeing, within you." All through the centuries, this view of prayer has been central in hesychasm. Prayer is standing in the presence of God with the mind in the heart; that is, at that point of our being where there are no divisions or distinctions and where we are totally one.

this is all very reminiscent of merton's thoughts on the "ground of being" and zen buddhism being a complimentary expression of this type of life... more on that in previous and later posts...

henri goes on to talk about the necessity of short prayers...

John Climacus is even more explicit: "When you pray do not try to express yourself in fancy words, for often it is the simple, repititous phrases of a little child that our Father in heaven finds most irresistible. Do not strive for verbosity lest your mind be distracted from devotion by a search for words. One phrase on the lips of the tax collector was enough to win God's mercy; on humble request made with faith was enough to save the good thief. Wordiness in prayer often subjects the mind to fantasy and dissipation; single words of their very nature tend to concentrate the mind. When you find satisfaction or compunction in a certain word of your prayer, stop at that point."

good thoughts... it reminds me of anne lamott's simple prayers of "thank you, thank you, thank you" and "help, help, help"... wow, this goes against what i was taught to pray with such specifics to see god answer your prayers... hmm...

just because i must...

found this in the blogsphere... so i had to post... its only like my favorite photograph of all time...

jesus' view of scripture...

continuing in my reading of matthew... chapter 22, verses 41-46...

"Jesus replied, 'Well, if the Christ is David's son, how do you explain that David, under inspiration, named Christ his Master?

"God said to my Master,
'Sit here at my right hand
until I make your enemies your footstool.'

"'Now if David calls him Master, how can he at the same time be his son?'

"That stumped them, literalists that they were."

so, i pull a couple things... jesus is trying to confirm their notion that the scriptures were inspired by god... cool... but here they cannot get their minds around this point in scipture because they have become such literalists that they cannot see the beauty of the metaphor...

so, another passage to consider... matthew 17.11-13...

"Jesus answered, 'Elijah does come and get everything ready. I'm telling you, Elijah has already come but they didn't know him when they saw him...' That's when the disciples realized that all along he had been talking about John the Baptizer."

so, are we to believe that elijah was reincarnated or that the 'spirit of elijah' or the elijah-type presence was with/in john?... so what does this say to jesus' referrals to himself as the 'son' or to 'satan'... could these be metaphors, not just literal interpretations?... hmm...

cloves and matthew 12.31-33...

cloves are a wonderful thing sometimes... aside from the taste they leave in my mouth afterwards, i love them... but i usually brush my teeth when i am done... they offer glimpses of clarity sometimes...

i was just outside having a clove, staring at the moon over the ocean... amazing... and i was continuing in my (much slower than i intended) reading of matthew... this time, chapter 12, verses 22-37...

i have been under the assumption over the last several months that the holy spirit is not something limited to just people who call themselves christians... it seems that 1 john 4.7-8 is convincing to me that anyone who lives in love lives in rhythm with god...

so, i am noticing this passage with exceptional potency...

"If you reject the Son of Man out of some misunderstanding, the Holy Spirit can forgive you... The fruit tells you about the tree."

so how about people who have walked away from the church or "god" confusing "god" with religion, but not really rejecting the "way of jesus"?... i believe that they are still held by god... if their lives are still producing good fruit (some "unbelievers" produce more "fruit" than "believers"), then they are living in the power of the spirit, yah?...

just a hunch...

saint francis...

just listened to brian mclaren's sermon on saint francis... incredible story... very timely i think...

he tells of how francis didnt seek to create a 'new order' in the roman catholic tradition... it kind of convicts me about us distinguish some of ourselves as the 'emergent church'... as if its the new, true way... i dunno...

great quote from francis that there must be humility in reformer's hearts... that is so timely as we stand on the edge of two worlds... the church of now and the church to come...

let us not be too judgemental and fundamentalist in our own new thinking that we loose humility...

worth the time to sign...

jim wallis is urging people to sign a petition that says that jesus is neither a democrat, nor a republican... perhaps he is more like the green party?... whatever, this is a chance to let the world know that the religious right does not speak for all christians on this... we are not all in favor of bush being re-elected...

here it is...

home again...

seems like these last weeks have been so full of travel... its nice to be home in my bed...

spent the last couple days in joshua tree national park with travers and jasen... very hot place this time of year... we arrived monday evening just in time to catch a beautiful sky-scape which later turned into lighting on the horizon... the lighting lasted almost all night... it was amazing... here are some pics of the sky-scapes...






the desert is an interesting place... i have never been very fond of it at all, but i feel like its a place that would be healthy for me to be at least for a couple days... i couldnt even stand it that long...

the desert kinda strips you down, leaving little left... first off, its almost totally silent... with the exception of some bugs and lizards scurrying only when i walk... second, its so dry and hot that you are kind of exposed at all times, no place to hide, that sort of thing... third, you realize your most basic needs: water, food, air conditioning, sunglasses, you know, the basics...

the hope is that i would 'attain' some clarity, i think i just got more confused...

we only had one full day there so i spent that day there hiking and reading... and that lasted until about 11am, when jasen and i crawled into my truck and blasted the a/c... sounds lame, i know, but it was so frickin hot!... once trav got there, we took a drive across the whole park (about 40 miles wide) and then hung at a starbucks (lame again) and did some more reading... i fell asleep while reading cause i got almost no sleep our first night there (i thought someone was going to mug me in my tent)... now its a little after 2 in the afternoon and theres no way in hell i am going back to that campsite, so...

we saw collateral (lame for the final time)... it was okay, but i felt guilt the whole time since i had planned this trip to get to the desert where there are no amenities and just think... but such is the way it goes...

some interesting articles i found once home...

"Religion Experts Ask How Jesus Would Vote"

"John The Baptist's Cave?"

okay, enough chatter... time for dinner...

how we read our bibles...

continuing in matthew today, hoping to finish a single run-through before we leave for the desert...

this morning i am reading from chapter 10 on, where jesus puts together the 12 'harvest hands' and sends them out... beautiful charge to them, carry next to nothing, live simply, dont convert, just heal and inform people of the kingdom which is now... live generously, which has been a theme thus far...

so, beginning in verse 17, he says...

"Don't be naive. Some people will impugn your motives, others will smear your reputation - just because you believe in me. Don't be upset when they haul you in before the civil authorities."

so growing up, i always read this as a reminder that people at school would hate me because i was a christian and all that jazz... that people were naturally set against god and christ... this, of course, comes right out of the reformed view of who we are as human beings... that is, totally depraved, or completely bad and in opposition to god... this is our birthright...

but i disagree whole-hearted-ly... i think that there is so much good in people, all people, even those who do not share my religious convictions... ben has a great post on some of this stuff...

so, here is my point... i used to read this as a charge to ryan today... ryan, dont be naive, people will speak falsely about you, yada, yada, yada... the world hates me...

but, what if this is a specific charge to these 12 guys... not charge, but warning... i mean, they were going out to jews to proclaim that their messiah had finally come in the person of jesus (even though there was no political revolution happening yet) and so to believe in jesus meant to overturn their system and really, to them, jesus was a bait and switch messiah... promising kingdom and delivering healing, new ways of living/thinking/loving... a subversive kingdom...

all i am saying is that the jews at that time were in a totally different situation that we are in in our world today... i do not beleive the world is as hostile to christ as i hear people in the south talk about... i even saw some article somewhere... we alienate people that could be curious by automatically assuming that they want to smear us or hate us (because they are of the world, right?)...

anyways, just thoughts...

please pray that these next couple days are clarifying, cleansing, inspiring, and so much more that i cannot even imagine...

sayings of jesus and why they mattered to his listeners...

Reading matthew this afternoon, but i am taking a break to reflect on just a couple passages i am reading.

"Don't be flip with the sacred...Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege."

"Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say."

"It was apparent that he was living everything he was saying - quite a contrast to their religion teachers! This was the best teaching they had ever heard."

So, I can identify with both sides often. I am the Pharisee. I am the anti-establisment Jesus-follower.

In the emerging church conversation, and as this conversation grows more fully into realized expression, we must head these words that our words are not nearly as important as our lives. To speak of beauty and incarnate truth beyond absolute truth must be compelling life-wise, you know? I myself am tired of speaking of a way of living that I am encouraging others to do and then myself cannot.

God, change me.

adaptation...

yesterday i watched kauffman's adaptation... very interesting film... its quirky as all his stories are, chaotic as life is, and true as a mirror...

no spoilers or anything, but its interesting how he and his brother are different sides of the same coin, from the same dna... charlie is trying so hard to be original and true to life and genuine and not kitchy at all (and it wrecks his life trying to do so) and then donald is writing all this cliche' stuff and its becoming successful and everyone loves it even though it is others' ideas rehashed at every turn...

i want to do something with my life... something true, something original, something me, something moving, but not sappy, but god, my god, it is so hard... it is full of failure and single-mindedness that leads to social anxiety and depth of lonliness and despair that i sometimes would trade to be a successful kitchy spiritual person... perhaps take up kaballah... or evangelicalism?... or become reformed?... or who knows?...

i am sad because i just from identity to identity trying to make me the new me, the one that i really want to be, but i am always tired and out of breath, and i hear jesus saying come to me all who are weary and burdened and i will give them rest, but i dont know how to come to him anymore it seems...

i am ready to take on new identity, something new to throw myself at and into, but i am so guarded of what i will give myself to...

in the movie, merryl streep's character makes a statement of how all she wants is to be so consumed with any one thing that it gives her purpose and fulfillment and all that stuff... and i hear the voice in the back of my head "be consumed with Me" but i dont know what that means knowing what i know now... that is, its not just a selfish, inward focussed, personal faith which holds me... it is much greater... but what does that mean?...

i have spent the last two days cleaning house... literally, cleaning, vaccuuming, hanging things, tucking things away... i think it makes me feel like i am in control of something at least, and in the chaos of my life, i can at least hide the chaos of my house or bring it to order or at least think its in order...

i think im gonna go read matthew now...

nice smells, a little depression, and a good book...

this is a site that sells a wonderful smelling pinion cedar incense... we found this smell when we were in new mexico last october and someone threw a pinion log on the fire and wow, it smells great...

so, the last couple days being home have been good and reflective, but also tiring and full of melancholy moments... just thinking a lot... but to what end i sometimes wonder?...

merton continues to amaze me at his ability to convey foreign concepts in reasonably simple manner... his comparative understandings of zen buddhism and christianity are very compelling... so much of what he says makes complete sense in the abstract, but i find myself wrestling with how this can change my reality, you know?... not just to 'apply' it, but to 'actually live in' it...

okay, well, i am off... going to see the bourne supremacy... nice...

geoff's great post and knott's berry farm...

geoff has a great way of thinking...

today, me and the misses are off to knott's to ride some roller coasters and such... its a kind of pinch to remind ourselves that we are really alive i guess...

so much spinning through my head these last couple days as my sister might be leaving in december to head back to texas, i am at a crossroads job-wise, i am wondering of the healthy-purposefulness of anchor point, holly is taking a new job, we are fixing up our apartment with the intentions of living here for at least another year and a half or so... here's a pic of the almost finished living room addition...




it feels like everything is up in the air... and who knows... maybe that is good?... marlene said i had steel rods running down my back because i like to control everything... perhaps she is right, and perhaps i need to just let go (and what? let god? how cliche')...

but i guess that i am reminded that some cliches actually start as beautiful quippy summations, reductionistic sure, but still potent for their size and if in the right place...

so, to let go, let go, jump in, just what are you waiting for, its alright, cause there's beauty in the breakdown... thank you frou frou... and off we go...

lighten up, it was just a minor explosion!...

home at last... not that i didnt like minnesota, on the contrary, it was an amazing time and place, but... it is so good to be home in our bed, hanging the new windows we bought from a salvage warehouse on the north shore...

i have been thinking about a conversation i had with marlene at solomon's porch the night before we left... she was commenting on my 'controlling tendancies' and how i needed to allow myself to fail sometimes... to realize my own humanity in this whole divine-human equation... that is, stop controlling so much and leave some room for faith...

she said that often in life we live as if everything thing we do is a pass-fail opportunity... and its just that: black or white... and as i dialogued with holly on the way home, i see this in so many things and places... even in our upbringing, people were cautioning us abuot the decisions we make because one decision could fell the rest of our lives, so make sure you are 'on track', right?...

marlene said there is another way of understanding our journeys that has helped her tremendously and it was not so foreign to hear: life is a grand experiment, so if something blows up (say a little too much sulphur here) then take it out and keep trying new things... the idea is that now is not when i get it 'figured out'... now is an opportunity to see what works and what doesnt, what fits and what strangles, what completes and what takes away, what explodes and what produces healthy reactions... oh, and what might work for this season or that might not work for a different season in the future... or for another person...

just good to know that i am not so much of a f*** up as i sometimes think i am... i mean, i am, but its not so life-altering, its just me and how/who i am right now... on the road to beautiful, seasons always change...

layovers suck and the roads that diverge in the woods...

man, i am in the terminal in las vegas and it smells of smoke, fried food, and stinky people... i have been in at least a dozen or more airports in my life and i cannot think of another airport that smells as bad as this one...

layovers can be cool, like on the way to minnesota we had a cool one, but this one going back sucks... we are both tired, hence frustrated, hence agitated, hence bored, hence blah, blah, blah...

here are some pics from the trip, sixteen in all... if you choose no photo, then in the meantime, a story...

so, after spending 5 days with shelly and doug, holly and i decided to give them a break from entertaining us and headed up along lake superior past duluth to grand marais on the coast there... we even touched into canada just for the heck of it...

so, we checked into our little lakeside motel just north of grand marais and decided to take a stab at the superior trail... this trail runs along (at least) the north shore of the lake and is one of the longest trails in the us apparently... so, we took a trailhead just out of our hotel and headed out towards the trail... it was to be a 3 mile or so trek, nothing too crazy...

its kinda nice going down trails like this... i mean this one had all the posted signs and stuff and the rabbit trails were usually guarded by a felled tree as to say, "dont go this way, follow the marked trail" and thats a good thing sometimes cause you can get way off course if your goal is to see the superior trail or whatever...




so the main trailhead is really well groomed and kept up... it runs along this river that has carved a small canyon... but after a while, holly was tired of the main trailhead cause it didnt seem like we were getting close enough to the water, like it was safely several yards in from the river... so, she hopped a log and began down a rabbit trail that led to the river... spectacular view, but i was frustrated... i just wanted to keep to the main trail and eventually make it to the superior trail and stuff... but she wanted this other trail that was not as well kept and i nearly tripped this one time... but then we arrived at its intersection with the river... wow, scary... we were like fifty plus feet up from the river, looking down the canyon walls...

so, i kinda saw the stubborn-ness of me not wanting to leave the path as a metaphor for how most christians (myself included) interact with their chosen 'path' of faith... they find a well marked trail (evangelical for me) and follow it, even clearing the way behind them for others, so people can take the same, incredible path i took... and it can be just like it was for me, but for them... and when we come upon those rabbit trails (ie. questions, different perspectives on 'essential' issues, paths that could lead to other paths of faith, etc.) we note that the way is kinda blocked, so you either hop over the wood or you do as most people do - as i wanted to do that day - and move along on the main trail... after all, to go down the other path is kinda dangerous and gets you 'off track' from the main path... so you can basically guarantee a person's spiritual journey if they'll just stay on track, you know?...

so, to further extend this metaphor and borrow a bit from mike's suggestions... what if the river is god or true experience of god or truth or whatever, our christian tradition may have this view from the top as it were, following the rim of the canyon... well, perhaps used to follow the rim, but the authorities thought itd be better to make a trail that is a little safer and further away from the river... perhaps there are other traditions that are trying to follow the river as well, but perhaps some stay in the basin of the river, perhaps some climb trees... who knows?...

ive got to get on my plane, but i tell you replications of inclusiveness are all around in nature... are there as many replications of exclusivity that are as compelling?...

that which we do not speak of...

when in rome, do as the romans right?... so we are in minneapolis and in that spirit, we went to a show of a local band tonight... an incredible live show... kind of a mix of the postal service and radiohead's kid a without vocals... incredible stuff...

so, i am standing with 150 or so other people and the beats are pounding and i am moving back and forth with the grooves... i am amazed at how the music is moving me... i could stop, but that would be unnatural...

so, i nearly tear up several times... the music is good, but nothing that is _so_ moving that i tear up, right?... i mean, whats up?... and i remember that i have had this feeling several times before in my life, but pushed aside the tears because i didnt understand why i would shed them...

it dawned on me... good art provokes and evokes... so, good art isnt so much there to inspire in the way of giving good ideas or informing us of something... rather, it should connect with something deep within us... no, not connect, but provoke and try to lift the heavy curtain that guards our very heart... does this make sense?... that deep thing inside that we all have (i think) is closed off for most our lives, but art offers this moment when we see or hear or feel or experience something that tries to draw back the curtain, lift the veil...

but i didnt cry tonight... i just shrugged it off and moved my body... fists clinched, moving side to side...

it was beautiful music though... but thats another story...

our mission trip to the pagitt's...

so today we spent most of the day working on doug and shelly's new duplex they bought to rent out... cool place with hardwood floors underneath shag carpet... fun to tear stuff up and see the beauty underneath... and tiring...

some good conversation... doug made a comment at lunch that i have been thinking on... he said that our 'theologies' are really kinda like adapters for us to connect the story of god to our lives, our world, the now... so, depending on what time or place or situation we find ourselves in, we use different adapters or even the same one in a different way... but eventually, we begin to see that there may not be a need for an adapter for us to make the connection... hmm... interesting...

interesting because amidst all this deconstruction of what ive been told to believe or this stupid statement of faith i am being asked to consider, i hear my friend mark say that what you believe doesnt matter all that much... no, thats not what he said... he said that thats not the main point really... it does matter... but belief isnt the only shaping force in us, right?... i mean, we are formed in several other ways...

i continue reading my palmer book... amazing in its simplicity... may i share some more of his thoughts?... and then we are off to dinner...

"If we lived close to nature in an agricultural society, the seasons as metaphor and fact would continually frame our lives. But the master metaphor of our era does not come from agriculture - it comes from manufacturing. We do not believe that we "grow" our lives - we believe that we "make" them. Just listen to how we use the word in everyday speech: we make time, make friends, make meaning, make money, make a living, make love.

"From an early age, we absorb our culture's arrogant conviction that we manufacture everything, reducing the world to mere "raw material" that lacks all value until we impose our designs and labor on it."

wow... i need to read that again...

spirituality and the infatuation metaphor...

i have been thinking about the bible (specifically the new testament) in regards to metaphors and how they work in and out of our lives... i am beginning to wonder if the idea of a 'spiritual realm' as different from a 'material realm' could just be metaphor... i mean, dualism was popular when the gospels were written, but i dont buy into the idea one bit... so, i have been wondering if we are to embrace these as metaphor's for 'different realms' when in reality, they are one and the same, just a different angle or perspective...

so, i have been thinking about our current metaphor for understanding who jesus was... or really, who he is now...

you hear phrases like 'i want to fall in love with jesus more and more' or 'he is my lover' or 'i am married to jesus'... now, these are not necessarily bad things, but i have to keep reminding myself that jesus was mediator between us and god, not the new image of god (or maybe he was...), so i think our infatuation may be misplaced... i think the love goes beyond christ to god and we now look to christ as a guide, the one who paved the way, but not as someone to fall more in love with, to be infatuated with...

it really kinda cheapens who christ was/is, dont you think?... to make him into my boyfriend or whatnot?... you can begin to see why some in the intellectual community see evangelical christianity as brain-washed sentiment... i mean, think about it: in love with jesus of nazareth?...

i dunno, just thought i'd throw it out there... perhaps ill post it up as a discussion on the emergent village bb... we shall see...

going down to god...

in the airport in phoenix, arizona... and i dont know what it is about hot states that make them so cold indoors... its as if they enjoy jumping from extreme to extreme...

read a bit more of palmer's "let your life speak" on the flight... i want to read it slowly because there is so much to really think about on each page, yet the pages turn themselves to quickly... perhaps this inspiration is so refreshing that i dont want the moment to end...

his mentor/friend was henri nouwen, the late mystic who devoted his life to reconciling his humanity with his divinity... coming to grips in his later years by serving full-time in a home for the mentally challenged, where he was no one but henri... i love henri nouwen's books, or at least the couple a few that i have read... i need to read more of them...

at any rate, palmer writes the following words as he looks back on his seasons in life that were marked by clinical depression...

"...depression demands that we reject simplistic answers, both "religious" and "scientific," and learn to embrace mystery, something our culture resists. Mystery surrounds every deep experience of the human heart: the deeper go into the heart's darkness or its light, the closer we get to the ultimate mystery of God. But our culture wants to turn mysteries into puzzles to be explained or problems to be solved, because maintaining the illusion that we can "straighten things out" makes us feel powerful. Yet mysteries never yield to solutions or fixes - and when we pretend that they do, life becomes not only more banal but also more hopeless, because the fixes never work."

simple thoughts, but so heavy to me... it defines me, how i want to figure things out in order to live instead of living within the things... nouwen had a phrase of "living the question" as opposed to always seeking answers... beautiful...

here is another thought of his... regarding the beauty in sinking downward in the hell of depression...

"...embrace this descent into hell as a journey toward selfhood - and a journey toward God."

he goes on to refer to tillich's description of god as the "ground of being"... making the connection with our descent into our own failings and successes, our own darkness and light, that these can lead us downward towards god... okay, its not coming to me right now in my own words very well, so ill close with palmers again...

"I had always imagined God to be in the same general direction as everything else that I valued: up. I had to be forced...to understand that the way to God is not up but down."

and i could go on to quote the whole friggin book, but i wont...

fung shui (sp?) in my family room...

so, we decided that since we plan (for now anyway) to stay at this apartment on the beach in oceanside, then we would like to make it a little more true to us... a little more live-able... a little better balance of dark and light... and stuff...

so here are the pics of phase 1 (of 3)... this phase was to paint the wall, get a new table, put in different bookshelves, hide cables, and hide speakers/manage entertainment center to not be the center of the room, but just a part of it...

you decide...








tomorrow we are off to minneapolis to see doug and shelly... pray for inspiration, god knows i need it...

cheers,
ryan and holly...

what is emerging from the emerging church?...

my friend brad asked me what all this postmodern stuff was a couple months ago?... wasnt it just the next thing after gen x and isnt it just another chance to sell books, have conferences, etc?... i mean, isnt it just the next church fad?...

well, i for one am so deep in deconstruction that it is hard for me to say what is even going on in the emerging church or whether my church is emergent or whatever...

but there are some interesting conversations happening in the blog world... here's geoff holsclaw's thoughts... and a rant i found that is interesting and informative i think...

just posts worthy of reading methinks...

no one reads my blog and the ant trail...

so i woke this morning to find out ants had invaded my home... now, ants had been here months ago and were after something that completely alluded me, but this time, they came in the front door and walked about an inch wide straight to my trashcan...

i have been trying to see the good in all things and sure, i can appreciate that ants are here to break things back down to their 'dust'... and for that i am truly greatful, kinda like i am thankful for maggots...

but, in this moment, i hate them... they represent to me now waking up early (8.15am!), something i just cant shake, invasion and frustration... so we windexed them and then vaccuumed them up... nice...

last night as we were lying in bed, after painting our new wall... (here are some pics, by the way...)






anyways, after we finished, we decided to go to bed, watch a movie or something... anyways, turned to the history channel about 11pm and watched a cool program called 'heaven and hell' which was following the program 'the dead sea scrolls'... i love the history channel and all that stuff... i love hearing multiple perspectives... but to be honest, it really only covered few understandings of heaven and hell, primarily from an evangelical and catholic point of view...

okay, so heres a brief timeline of my findings regarding the afterlife...

8000 years ago - egyptians believed you would go to the afterlife, completely intact, no 'soul' nonsense...

6000 years ago - the first jewish manuscripts are to have been originated (at least in story) and it says 'dust to dust', the hope was to bring the kingdom of god to earth, so there was no need to invision a 'heaven', god was the source of all things, so there was no devil, no hell, no place god was not, make sense?...

who knows how many years ago - the jewish fable of job points out that if justice is not found in this life, it is found in the next to be sure...

2500 years ago (?) - under intense persecution and bondage from the persians, the jews adopt their pagan oppressors view of the afterlife, that there is a place of ultimate good, where god exists fully, and there is a place of ultimate evil, which is ruled by satan... okay, check this article out... and then check out 1 chronicles 21:1 and 2 samuel 24.1... the writer substitutes "Satan" for "Jehovah" in the pre-exilic account 2 samuel 24:1... another cool article...

christ's time - he speaks of the heavens, the kingdom of god, and paradise... i think jasen will have some thoughts in the future about this as he is reading a book regarding it methinks... now christ talks about evil in the form of a (perhaps metaphorical) person?...

paul's writings - very dualistic, much warning of a personalized enemy as if a person who 'rules this domain', hope is in heaven (a place or an understanding? hmm?)...

revelation - everything goes haywire right about here because there is this guy with a vision...

okay, my stomach is growling and so i must get... ciao baby...

statements of faith and certainty...

so, i am being asked to sign a statement of faith (i think) for this new job i am taking... and it has things i dont agree with... now, i dont think they are wrong, but i am not sure that they are the only ways to see things...

my world is turning upside-down as far as how i see things and what i subscribe to both theoretically and actually...

mike has some interesting thoughts in his last couple entries... i think the quote he is looking for is 'all theology is heresy'... see this random blog's thoughts on that statement... tony campolo's words apparently... or him quoting someone else, which is more likely...

so, what does the bible really say about itself?... well, that is all on word interpretation, the whole logos thing, jesus as word, etc... scripture (paul says) is it profitable for certain things in life, but of course he is talking about the tanukh, not the gospels or his letters... surely he is not so arrogant to say that his letters are the very breath of god and others arent?... that would border on pharisaical and absurd...

so what are we to do with scripture?... i like mike's thoughts...

okay, i've got to go eat chicken and fix my living room... wish me well...

last night was cool...

so, our experiments continue with anchor point... just seeing what a church of people could look like... you know, we are not that spectacular, still trying to wrestle through our own grief, selfishness, confusion, dogmatism, etc... but i think we all see that the established church is not for us...

a good point was made last night (was it by ben i think?) that in the evangelical church, there are defined corners and edges of a box that the tradition exists in... that is, you can go to any given evangelical church and hear the same 100 sermons at some point in time, safe, three points, and hey, perhaps that is not such a bad thing... i mean, there is a sense of consistency, security, and practicality in this system... you can give people concrete conclusions that will hopefully lead to living specific things out that help us in relation to god...

but, for the five of us that were in my living room last night (and the other three or six that were away), its not enough... we have seen god move out of that little box called evangelicalism too many times... so the established church doesnt work well for us...




rhianon explained that the difference between greek thought (which pervades western culture, including the christian church) and hebraic thought... you see, a person of greek thought will look at this table and say that its messy, that there is a flat part on top that is about 18 inches by 40 or so inches... it is light color wood... it explains it from a, well kind of more scientific thought... at least, from a perspective that is under the assumption that we can know all about this table...

now the hebraic thought would describe it from a more mysterious point of view... describe its shadows, its effects on the things around it, not trying to draw a conclusion too quickly...

so, this is just a metaphor for our discussion last night... that is, how we read (or dont read) our bibles... chara said that it is hard to read her bible in any other way than 'basic instructions before leaving earth' and of course, that is how most of us were taught to read it, disecting it like a science project... seems very greek...

as opposed to letting the stories evoke emotion (joy, gravity, even outrage) and work their way into you... okay, so thats way less qualifiable... and perhaps the 'basic instructions' isnt a bad way, but its an incomplete way... perhaps we have to interact with the mystery as well as the certainty...

man, these thoughts arent coming out as well as they were last night in our discussion... what i began with in this post was saying that we are continuing in our experimentation of what a church could look like... so these next couple weeks, we are eating dinner together, watching a nooma™ video and then discussing its implications and then seeing where the conversation goes...

okay, well i am going to listen to ray vanderlan's dust of the rabbi tape this afternoon and begin my study of the gospels that will last me the rest of my life...

on to living, have a good day,
ryan...

one of the greats has survived...

steve jobs had a successful surgery...