I used to think of myself as a pretty articulate person. Really. I mean, I used to make sense, have good thoughts, be able to express myself, etc. But as of late, and more and more, I find myself unable to communicate what I have thought about over long periods of time.
I have been becoming aware of this for some time now... probably mostly since Timber when I would say things from stage that to me made no sense afterwards. Then, when I began to lead Anchor Point and would try to gather my thoughts to teach, the same thing. Now, in life, on my blog, and in any conversation where I get even mildly defensive, I choke up.
I kind of hate it, right?
Like last night, I got in a conversation with an individual who voted for Bush, and I had commented how there is little that could have caused me to vote for Bush (seeing as how we view our worlds very differently, W and I). This guy asked me if I took the war out of the equation, could I have voted for Bush... which of course launched me off into a lot of nonsense, some of which made since (ie. you simply cannot take the war out of the equation).
Then he said with the whole Supreme Justice thing, he voted for Bush because of the possibility to overturn Roe v Wade and he apparently liked Bush's thoughts regarding homosexuality. Now at the time, I could think of nothing... not that I was trying to make him like me (or perhaps I wanted to?), but that I wanted to sound informed and articulate... because I am at least pretty informed. But I said nothing really.
If I could do it all over, I would say to look at the statistics of abortions in most countries where abortion is illegal... that will tell you that illegalizing abortion isn't the issue. Education, inspiration, taking people into your homes, breaking down systems of mis-thought... those are perhaps means, but simply outlawing it... I haven't seen it effectively work anywhere. And the homosexual agenda of Mr. Bush is sickening to me... and I also think it is mere pandering to an ultra-conservative crowd. A constitutional amendment? Come on. Do you really think that homosexual marriage is what is going to destroy the family unit? I know some homosexual couples that are healthier than heterosexual couples. I think infidelity and selfishness are what are tearing the family unit apart... not homosexuals.
So, all this I would have said, could I have said. But I didn't. God has granted me this thing to keep me from getting too conceited... this sort of thorn in my flesh that keeps me at least sort of low to the ground. I can never make complete sense or defend myself well.
Oh well, I guess I should just be thankful for the grace to not make sense!