Whom Shall I Send? Who Will Go For Me?

I just saw Hotel Rwanda this evening by myself. I just got home and nearly busted into tears when Holly asked how the movie was. I didn't want to talk about it. Not while she was watching The Grammys. Not now. I mean, nothing against my wife; she will be the first person I probably talk to, but not right now. Somehow writing it here seems less contexed... like I am speaking into a vacuum.

I wish for everyone to see this film. It is an incredibly disturbing and violent film with threads (small threads, mind you) of hope. It is violent, yes, but the kind of violence and injustice that should bring us out of apathy (whether locally or globally) and cry out to God.

As I saw the meek being herded off to the slaughter, I wondered how Jesus could have had the audacity to say, "Blessed are the meek." And as the peacemakers were given no authority, I wondered how he could have said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." I wonder how I can carry the hope of the Kingdom of God, that good will triumph, that everything will be put in its rightful place... when I see this kind of thing.

For those of you who do not remember (as I didn't), I'll paint a sketch of what I gathered. The Belgian colony of Rwanda was originally left in the hands of the Tutsies, but when the Belgians withdrew, they left the power to the Houtoos. The Tutsies had been oppressing the Houtoos in their reign, so when the Houtoos gathered some power, they decided to begin an ethnic cleansing (and the separation of ethnicities was created by the Belgians... it didn't exist before they colonized the land...). They killed a million Tutsies when everything was said and done... and the Western world did nothing. Left them to themselves. There was a line in the movie where the reporter told a Rwandan man that the West would watch the video footage over dinner and then go back to their lives.

That's what I am afraid of doing. Going back to my daily life. Please God, here I am, send me. What can I do? Where should I go? Who am I to be?

And I kept saying, "Is politics and military the only way to bring about and ensure peace?" Over and over. Can you not see why so many have thought that this is the only way to advance the Kingdom of God? I guess I now understand a little more. Not that I would endorse that but...

I have said time after time that the gospel of Jesus is not a thing brought by force, nor is it a thing that is by any means efficient... except when we short-circuit it. But how long must those in oppression sing this song? How long, how long?

Pardon my ramblings, I just needed to vomit up some ideas.

I hope that this next season for Holly and I is marked by large risks and incredible opportunity to bring about healing to this world. I kept crying in the movie asking what could I do... I was young then, I am willing now. Should we go to Darfur? Where can we be used? Here I am, Lord, send me please.