Perfect music to listen to for this post is: Ohio - Over The Rhine, Eastmountainsouth.
So, there is this Hindu thought that says that you cannot become the person you are to become by being in the same place that you are currently. This is also echoed in several strings of historic Christianity (and Buddhism and other religions I am sure), specifically in the Celtic pilgrimages.
I feel like the time is close at hand when I will find this to be overwhelmingly true for myself. That I must be off from this place called home for the last year and a half. And perhaps it's selfishness. Perhaps it's a feeling of loss... or of failure... or of something like that. And perhaps it is me running, but it doesn't make it any less real. And it doesn't make it feel any less necessary.
I look at where we are right now. And we are in a good place, living a nice life. But you know, Siddhartha Gautama was living a wonderful life of pleasure when he decided to leave his life of royalty to seek the highest spiritual place. I am no Buddha, but I long for a higher place spiritually. St. Francis of Assisi left his wealthy family to embrace poverty. I am no St. Francis.
But I have been awakened all the same.
If I am where I am now in several years, perhaps owning a house, I do not think this will be fulfillment for me. And perhaps fulfillment is not even attainable; perhaps it is just being satisfied where you are, being grateful for what a great life you have. I don't have the answer, only questions.