Savings Account

Pic-i-nic in the Backyard

X Marks The Spot

Weed? Who Cares.

Wow

If you haven't seen this before, check it. Adam showed this to us for the first time in Paris last month. I was beside myself. Do yourself a favor and watch the entire thing.

Cherry Blossoms

It was nice most of yesterday. The rain started pouring late afternoon
and it shook out many of the blossoms from the trees.

This is a view looking down our front porch. Beautiful.

Aw Man

Even though the weather app can never succesfully predict weather in
Portland, this bums me out. But who knows, I mean it's sunny out right
now. We shall see.

Living Smaller

I was mowing my backyard this evening as Holly pulled weeds. We picked up a push manual lawnmower on trade for a post-hole digger my dad and I used to put in our fence. It was a fun feeling to plow over the grass that had grown a foot high.

Yesterday, Holly, Pax, and I finished tilling the raised beds and planted seeds for various veggies. I didn't really document the process (Holly might have).

And I thought to myself, "What if this is it? Simply tilling the ground and planting stuff for the sake of growing it? For the sake of harvesting it?"

That might sound strange to you, but for someone like me, most everything I do is material. Material to blog about (like I'm doing now). Material to gather to make a case for why my life is meaningful, helpful, of value. It's another way to prove myself.

Part of that is unhealthy, I know, I know. And part of it is my wiring. I'm an achiever, a performer. And that's okay.

But I wondered what it'd be like to just live a small life. Using my own person as a feedback loop instead of looking for digital validation from friends across the world. Proving myself to only...myself.

And I don't know where I'm at with answering the question about it being it. And I'm certainly not interested in you telling me that it's going to be okay or that I don't need to feel that way. Because if you say that, you simply do not understand my compulsion, simple as that. :)

But I will say that I consider more and more the idea of simply living for myself, not for others. That is, trying to save myself, to change myself, to really live for myself rather than always thinking how this might appear to people, how people will understand it, etc. To do something simply because I'd like to, because I want to, not because it toes some ideaology's line.

It's a discipline for me. Yes, becoming human is a challenge for me. Living small, as most of us live, is hard for me. Living human size, without all the hype and success. But I'm trying.

Fried Chicken and Mashed Taters

Not bad, Sharps.

Hefeweizen

Should be ready in time for summer!

Waffle Window

It's good to be home.

Dawn

At home.

Last Stop Before Home

Lunchtime

Only 4 hours left to go...

Speeding Home

While taking the high-speed train from the Loire Valley back to Paris earlier this week, I spat out a little poem. Enjoy.

300 kilometers per hour
So fucking fast
Eyes can focus only on the far horizon

I breathe slowly, slower
Tomorrow the pace accelerates all the more
Thousands of miles in a matter of hours

How efficient!
How convenient!
How productive!

How tiring

Adrenaline dispenses
To help me anticipate
The rush of home
Life: Sped up

Will I submit again to it's frantic pace?
Or laugh at the folly of squinting,
Attempting to focus on the blurring trees in spring?

Spring in Santa Cruz

This so makes me want to get back to my garden.

Reflection #7: Carefree on Costa del Sol

Reflection #6: Barcelona Bad-Asses

Self-Portrait at 38,000 Feet

God this has been a long day. All three of us have reached our own
limits, some of us sooner than others.

But wait, I feel the descent which signals that the ground is nearer
than it was.

And for that I'm terribly grateful.

Coming Home

We landed in Chicago. Now a couple hours here and then to SFO.