Ironic Licensing

Strangest thing: I got an email from a friend who said that one of our songs was on an ESPN program. Begin Again, in fact.

We license the ISOAUT album through PumpAudio and they can license our music to whomever would like to use it. We get just a few bucks out of it, but it's nice to think that these songs begin to take on lives of their own...going out into that world of ours.

Still, how strange...a sports program.

Remy in his Bumbo

Enso Winery

So, long time coming...

I'm starting a winery. Here in Portland. With my friend Chris, who is currently the assistant winemaker at Arcane Cellars (the winery that I also work at).

This has been a dream of mine for some time. I have imagined Holly and I moving to some pastoral place in the Sierra Foothills after the boys are graduated, planting some vines, and making some wine as we age gracefully, with no weight gain.

But that's a helluva long time from now and I thought, what's wrong with Portland? Why not start now?

So we are.

We are making our first commercial batch of wine this fall in Chris' garage. It'll take the better part of a year for that wine to become ready for sale, so doing it in his garage will keep overhead low. Next summer (2011), we'll find a spot here in Portland, hopefully not far from our house, where we'll move the gear to and open a tasting lounge to try, drink, and buy our wines (and perhaps some other folks as well).

We're calling it Enso Winery. The idea is capturing balance, creativity, and existential expression (of ourselves, the terroir, the year) in our wines.

Here's a little snippet I came across after Holly suggested the name...

"It is believed by many that the character of the artist is fully exposed in how he draws Enso, and that only one who is mentally and spiritually whole can draw a true Enso."

We're planning on making a Zin and a Malbec, some Petite Sirah and Mourvedre, and our whites for this year will probably be a Pinot Gris and a Riesling. We'll also make a rosé out of some of our reds. Very exciting.

So, that's it. We have forms filed with all the different regulators (we're talking 100+ pages of stuff), agreements with grape growers, gear on its way, barrels in storage. Just a matter of time.

Oh, on the topic of grape growers, true, we are not growing our own. And that's something that I am both grateful for and disappointed about. Some day, I hope to tend the vines that will produce our wine, but it's too high a cost and too huge a risk to undertake just now.

For now, an urban winery in Portland, Oregon seems just right. A place to share fine wine, host events, and connect people. Yah, that sounds nice.

Stay tuned...

Twitter
Website (not really functional yet)
Facebook

Disciple/Master

I had a conversation with a good friend today and it reminded me about this quote from Anthony de Mello...

"May I become your disciple?"

"You are only a disciple because your eyes are closed. The day you open them you will see there is nothing you can learn from me or anyone."

"What then is a Master for?"

"To make you see the uselessness of having one."

Exactly, I would say.

My friend responded, wondering if this wasn't what Jesus meant when he told his disciples that 1) He had to leave so that 2) They could do more than he could even do.

All takes me back to what I said months ago.

Why I am Grateful to Have Been Raised Christian

Part of my journey has been to realize that I am in a particular place and time, formed uniquely by this place and time and the other places and times in which I was a baby, a child, a teen, a young adult, and now. So many assumptions about how the world really works. A great many people realize in adulthood that our assumptions aren't necessarily wrong, but they are unique to each one of us.

As I have distanced myself more and more from what is generally called Christianity, I feel that I have been afforded the chance to see it from several perspectives. And while I no longer feel bound to that tribe as a specific identity, I really do appreciate the formation process it offered me as a human being.

I have realized that by specifying and binding myself to something in particular, I am able to see the limits of myself, of people, of ideas, etc. It offers a context to view the grand human experiment. Not much happens in a vacuum anyway. :)

Each person learns about life in some sort of environment...and mine was specifically American and Protestant...even more specifically, white, middle-class and southern. :) While a great many of my peers were being formed by a broader American worldview, I was brought up in narrower, ethnically-tribal story.

A great many of you know that I didn't just grow up in this story; I bought and sold it, too. I was it's poster-child for a good deal of time. And this wasn't inauthentic. I have always wanted to understand the world and God and myself. Christianity was one of my first channels by which to do that.

So what I'm trying to say is that, given the immense number of traditions I could have been brought up in, I'm quite happy about having been brought up Christian. Being a part of a church and youth group gave me social connection that I needed as a child. I was nurtured by people who were not family, I was given opportunity to develop my gifts, and I had a safe place.

Growing up in a religious world also offered me the possibility to think critically about dominant culture. This is something that has taken me a long time to appreciate, as this trait of religious folks is generally quite off-putting or plain mean. Christians judging people for doing what was "normal" by most people's perspectives. But what is normal anyway? That's simply the norm for some particular story.

My ability to eventually critique Christianity came from my experience within Christianity. And I deeply cherish that.

Though religious people are sometimes caricatured as all being bigotted and judgemental to outsiders, they deeply love their own. And sometimes some of them love outsiders as well. :) I definitely felt that love. I would suggest that an inordinate amount was poured out on me. And I am forever grateful to people I know and people I will never see again for that.

Thing is, you must be raised some way. You must have some bias, some understanding of social (or ethnic) boundaries. You have to develop a way of understanding the world. And I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm glad that my experience—my tribe—was Christianity.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Plum Prospects

Last year, our plum tree put out but 3-4 inedible pieces of fruit. I'm sure part of it was bad pruning and years of neglect. But part of it might have had to do with poor fruit set last Spring since the wind killed most of the blossoms as soon as they opened.

Fingers crossed for this year's harvest.

Spring

She came early this year, the cherry blossoms telling us of what's on the horizon.

One of My Favorite Smells

Whole, dried hops in boiling wort.

Holly, The Artist

So happy to see Holly back in her groove. Encaustics seem to suit her
well.

The Assumptions of Perspective

I had a conversation with an old friend the other night. It became clear that we view the world in fairly different ways. And though I strained to find some form of common language, I kept finding our conversation growing more and more polarizing/distancing (or a different word I cannot find?).

I have certainly taken a different path than many that I have run with in the past. They notice. And I certainly notice. And I begin to make assumptions at each new stage, just like those who "stayed behind" still maintain assumptions. Try as we may (or try as some of us may), we cannot entirely rid ourselves of perspective, bias, or assumption. I'm sure most would agree with me on this. But we all have a limit on which aspects of our perception we'll allow to be criticized or deconstructed.

Yesterday, I came across this little 2 minute video from TED Talks. If you haven't heard of TED, you must check the site out. Check out this little video below.



I really do believe that the best way to move in new directions, get fresh perspective, and truly grow in a "whole" sense, is to familiarize oneself with a contradictory wisdom, approach, or perspective. And don't just approach it at a distance; try it on!

Some would suggest that this is a very slippery slope. And to that I say, Slide Away! What are you so afraid of? Losing yourself? Your faith? Your identity? Betraying God? Being disliked? Being wrong? Betraying your tribe?

Well, there are consequences for our actions, no doubt. But inaction can be more dangerous that fierce action in an opposing direction. Something I must consider daily.

I know that I will never loose myself from my subjective perspective...and now, more than ever, I can recognize that as the thing that allows me to be me. I am formed by a blend of my experience and (hopefully) some seed of person inside.

But to realize that I have assumptions can be quite liberating. So I try to recognize my perspective as just that: My perspective.

Perfect Winter Day

This has been such a mild winter, save a particular week in December. The buds are already bursting which is a little worrisome. But generally, I am very content with this beginning of 2010.

Retreat

The salt air always revives me. I look forward to coming back soon to
walk the beaches and hills and contemplate...and be grateful.

Books

I am in a good place. Head space, locale, lifepoint. I certainly wax and wane. Energy ebbs and flows. But generally, I feel good.

I have been reading a good bit more than usual. Brittian loaned me Klosterman's latest offering...EATING THE DINOSAUR. And while I'm only 20 or so pages in, I am reminded that a great many of my feelings/hunches about the world are shared by more people than just me. I love books that remind me of this fact: I am not alone. Though the guy is a total ass, I really appreciate his perspective and meanderings. My sister lent me SEX, DRUGS, AND COCOA PUFFS a couple years back and I liked that as well. He reminded me a bit of Douglas Coupland, but more ass-ish.

I have also been listening to a book on CD (er, iPhone mp3)...THE HOUSE OF MONDAVI. It chronicles the immigrant family's arrival to the New World, it's trek across the US, finally arriving in California's Napa Valley. And from there, taking over Charles Krug, with Robert Mondavi eventually starting his own winery which would later be sold to Constellation (the largest wine corporation in the world, if I'm not mistaken).

I have been taking walks every other day or so through the neighborhood, rain or shine. I'll take in a good bit of the book each walk. Such a fantastic tale of deceit, success, ego, and family.

Holly bought the new book by Randall Grahm (of Bonny Doon fame). It's called BEEN DOON SO LONG. And while I feel like alot of their wine turned to shit (as he agrees, even as early on as in the introduction!), I have appreciated their iconoclastic approach to the wine industry, scoffing at Parker scores and pissing off wine writers left and right. They also have grown (and bought) unusual varieties of grapes, made ridiculous wines, and had some impressive labels.

Seems like Grahm had a sort of wake-up experience and is now planting a small biodynamic vineyard near Santa Cruz and going to be producing much smaller-batch artisan wine. Sounds good! His perspective–not just on winemaking, but life itself–is very inspiring and resonant. I am reminded that I really appreciate those that push into this journey called life, trying things on, trying things out, changing when we can, how we can. Really pushing into the fabric of existence.

I raise my glass (er, cup of joe this morning) to 2010 - The Year of The Book!

BTW - Thinking of mixing wine and coffee, the Mondavi family drank their morning coffee in the old Italian way...with a tablespoon of red wine added to each cup. Hmm. Doesn't sound quite right...especially if you throw creamer in as well!

New TCS Project for 2010?

I continue to work on new tunes here and there, attempting to find some traction for a sixth The Cobalt Season project. Lots going on in life, so it continues to be a sort of back burner project. But still I'm moving ahead, slowly. And I hope to have something to share this year.

I wrote this little ditty as a sort of preface to the album. Well, preface is overstating it a bit, but...

Bullshit prose!
Pedantic rants!
What will he do next?

Perhaps build an archetype?
Untouchable
Irreverent
Famous
And universally beloved

Or show us the world?
Free of Empire
As it should be
But might never

Perhaps He will amaze us with complexity?
Juxtapose criminals and saints
Peruse
The history of G-d
Shaken

Or perhaps he will sink low?
Drag us down with him
Low
To the ground
Near hell
Nearer heaven
Nearer us/we/them
Nearer me

Always me
Always me

Catching Up

Does anyone else get a little depressed after reading a book (fiction, in particular)? The book is over, you put it down, filled with emotion. And then, in the days following, you find yourself a little low?

I do. I so seldom read fiction that I guess I really get hit by it.

Come to think of it, I felt the same way after the final episode of Six Feet Under.

Anyway, I just finished Children of God (Mary Doria Russell's follow-up book to The Sparrow...see previous post). I loved it. The two books a matched pair, vamping on similar themes. Different, all the same. Highly recommended reading for your 2010.

Now I continue with my prior reading list...finishing Tolle's A New Earth along with a slew of winemaking and wine industry books for pleasure. Oh, and to top that off, this year I've got textbooks. Yip, I'm back in school.

This quarter finds me taking Chem 104 and Intro to Viticulture (the growing of grapevines). In Spring, I'll continue with Chem 105 and Chemical Analysis of Must and Wine. It's fun to be back in school, but I am honestly a bit overwhelmed by the homework sometimes.

I continue to plot out what my future in wine could look like. Some great ideas being floated and this year looks promising. Stay tuned.

Oh, well, there's a baby crying...gotta get.

The Sparrow

Brittian first mentioned this book to me. Mind you, he mentions an awful lot of books to me. Second, I believe I heard the author (Mary Doria Russell) on Speaking of Faith on NPR. After borrowing the book and thumbing through the first first 3o pages or so over the course of a few weeks, I finally was hooked.

I don't know when it happened, but I dropped all other readings and was suddenly and totally engulfed in this story of a Jesuit priest on a mission to make first contact with aliens. Weird, right? But knowing that my own journey in and out of faith and doubt was at least somewhat similar, I felt deeply connected to several characters in the book.

I'm not going to tell you the plot or describe the characters. If you wanna read the book, pick it up. You won't regret it.

But there is a passage toward the end of the book that really resonated with me and I thought that I would share that. It's something the main character (Emilio) of the book is saying, considering his trip to this new planet and all his experiences, both beautiful and horrific (to say the least).

"You see, [this] is my dilemma: ...if I was led by God to love God, step by step, as it seemed, if I accept that the beauty and the rapture were real and true, then the rest of it was God's will too... But if I am simply a deluded ape who took a lot of old folktales far too seriously, then I brought all this on myself... The problem with atheism, I find, under these circumstances...is that I have no one to despise but myself. If, however, I choose to believe that God is vicious, then at least I have the solace of hating God."

Powerful. The issue of God's agency in the world, especially in terms of dealing with pain/evil, is not a light topic. And I feel that Russell dealt with theodicy in a fairly thoughtful way. One that, at least to me, met me where I'm at.

What good is God for? is the question that persists. Personally, I wouldn't label myself athiest, but I really don't know that the existence of God matters much to me anymore. What difference would it make?

Keep in mind, I'm not saying that I have not been deeply formed by a tradition that holds God's very existence at it's center. I am stating where I'm at now.

I can hear the barrage of potential questions and flaming exhortations that could come in response to this post, and I'm fine with that. But I really wonder why this is such a delicate subject to approach.

My holiday gift :) to you are these questions to ponder...

What if there is no God?

Would it really change your life drastically? Are you certain?

And what does that say about you? About us?

ML -The Barrel is Bleeding!

Well, a quick update...

The wine is really coming along. We blended about 2 1/2 gallons of our Petit Sirah into the barrel. We had tried a test blend and loved it, so we took the next step. We wanted the PS to have some time in the barrel to get some breathe-time.

Even at this point the flavor profile is quite complex. We are hoping the oak and fruit flavors will come more into balance. The mouthfeel is viscous and has velvety tannis already. We aimed not to press too hard on those seeds.

I am trying to keep the temp of the room around 70-75' as to promote healthy secondary fermentation. But it's difficult being that it's in the 30s at night here!

The plan is still to bottle in Fall or Winter 2010.

Still not sure if we will fine or filter the wine. We want to make sure it's of highest quality, so we'll figure that in the months to come.

Stay tuned!

Grapevines as Metaphor for Life Development

There can be no denying that the vine reacts in a similar way to humans in relation to performance: the best results are obtained when subjected to a certain degree of stress. The idle and cosseted person merely gets fat and rarely produces anything of interest and, similarly, the vine in rich soil yields much foliage and fat grapes, which produce dull wine. In well-drained poor soil the vine is forced to develop a large root system which penetrates deep into the sub-soil in search of moisture and nutrition, and in so doing it picks up an abundance of minerals that find their way into the grapes.

Where Do We Go From Here?

...The Words Are Coming Out All Weird.
Where Are You Now That I Need You?

(from Radiohead...if you didn't know)



I think this is a huge question facing most people (especially those living in post-modern societies) today. It might be a question that defines so many of our divides and poses the greatest anxiety we, the emerging world, generally feel.

Most of us can see that we're in a mess of some sort. We can all acknowledge that there is pain, hardship, unfairness, inequality and other such things in our world. We can look back and say that some of the decisions we made collectively and personally have led to this point...whether we point the finger out or in. And most of us do both on some level.

But where do we go from here? How do we "get out of this mess" if we can agree that we are in one? Even if you don't think things are so bad, you still would agree that the questions How do we continue? How do we progress? are crucial questions.

There are, of course, several answers to these questions. Trillions upon trillions of paths and possibilities, both personal and communal.

The answer to Where? often comes with a corresponding Says Who? (sometimes cleverly disguised as Why?). And there might also be the corresponding contextual question In what situation?. This is important to recognize. Authority is the issue I was attempting to wrestle with in my There Is No King post. I understand that I was, in some ways, suggesting a new locus of authority that made some folks very uncomfortable.

Months back I posted that I believed that values are arbitrary and contextual. I was trying to address the ideas that we have about the Out There. I'd like to quote from one of my favorite books, Oh, The Places You'll Go,

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

It's no big leap to assume that most of us are waiting on something/someone. And by waiting, I mean yielding authority to, waiting for the Out There to take us somewhere. Where Are You Now That I Need You?, the lyrics say. I need You.

Is there any way to pull ourselves away for some sort of objectivism on this matter? Can we observe why we choose to do what we do? I mean, really why. Not "because it says..." or "because he...". And why do we respond the way we respond? Why do we feel aligned with certain ideas or groups? Where does our hurt truly comes from? Why do we so badly need the Out There?

Listen, I'm not suggesting that we have to give up our Out There, whether it be a religious tradition, political party, neighborhood ethic, family story, whatever. I'm just saying we should call it for what it is and recognize that we choose it on some level. We are the givers of meaning. We give authority to the story, asking that it give us meaning back. But the real authority is right here.

So where do we go from here? I hardly know. Well, I have some ideas, but those forms aren't nearly as important to me as how we interact with forms, these inevitable disposable forms.

On we trudge/gallop/run/glide/dance/breathe.

Afternoon Nap