Saturday, December 25, 2004

Coming Home

It's always a strange thing. Texas just isn't my home any longer. I guess it hasn't been for a good while. Not that my family isn't here, but I am not here, you know?

Most everyone's got religion in Texas and it allows them to feel superior, to feel safe, to feel chosen, to feel like they've got the corner on the market of truth... the war is on behalf of the righteous, the only news network that isn't tainted is FOX, and their picture of Christ must be him with sword in hand ready to pick a fight with any person who doesn't bow to his set of beliefs (or the beliefs of American Christians).

I don't get it. Really. I don't get it. I sat in the car for a good while today pondering it. I guess I am an alien in this land.

I feel sick in certain settings back here in Texas. Sad that so many people see the world as something to wage war on... and I guess the saddest part is that I was one of those people years ago. But now I feel like a stranger, a minority.

I was telling Holly today that I don't even feel like people would respect my thoughts/beliefs/opinions if I brought them up. I said I am beginning to feel (in at least some small way) what I must feel like to be some minority in an overwhelming homogenous majority. I feel alone in so many ways.

It amazes me. It amazes me. I cannot believe that people cannot see themselves in a larger story that encompasses all people. But my eyes are just being opened.

It's not that people back here don't care; it just seems like so many of them have their view of the world and nothing that challenges it can be even weighed. I just don't get it. I just don't get it.

I think I am depressed.

1 comment:

The Shib said...

Im depressed too. And totally freakin out. Wondering if Ive spent the past few months talking about how california isnt my home only to "come home" and realize this isnt my home anymore either.

Today I was so frustrated to spend the day with Wes's family and find that nothing has changed. Should I have even expected that? And why?

Remember the other day talking about how we like to define outselves as other. Today I dont want to be defined as a Texan. Or an A&M graduate--its amazing how many times I hear -oh shes an Aggie--I'd like to shed that quasi-title forever! Thats not me! I wanna walk around with a sign on. "Ive changed...these are my thoughts now..." I fight being a bitch just to show them--look look...Im not one of you.

I have to go peel off my Biore nose strip. I endorse them over Bush.