Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Busy. Busy. Busy. Three words that define my daily rhythm right now. Finishing up the new Relational Tithe site. Booking shows for this upcoming trip. Managing a few jobs, estimating others, invoicing others.

I feel like I am full of shit. I have felt this way for a long time. My friend Troy says that we're all full of shit. Perhaps he's right. And perhaps that's the life of a prophet or an idealist or a conscious human.

All we have are best-attempts, right?

Here's a poem I wrote in Michigan last year and refined this month in Santa Cruz.

I need directions to Zion. How long will we drive around in our seclusion-capsules, searching circularly for the mountain of wholeness? Have we lost our way or do we only have best-guesses? Is there guidance in our chaos or are we doomed to the laws of the supposed material? Decay? Brokenness? Death? Can all be made whole as we climb Mount Zion?


Jamie Arpin-Ricci said...

We are all full of it at times. Thanks for the vulnerability.

Jamie Arpin-Ricci

Lora said...

i mostly always feel full of it...and sometimes i even care, which is the really sad part.

Andrew Greenhalgh said...

Man are you right. But perhaps, as Merton consistently writes, our understanding and acknowledgement of that infilling of the shittyness (not really sure if that's a word but you get the picture) is the greatest grace of all. It is in the full knowledge of our poverty that we lean fully on Jesus for His all. Just a thought...

Jon said...

Ryan, the shit goes deeper than you can imagine. Yet, there is a space. It's the space we most instinctively avoid and hide from ourselves.

You can't get there by "climbing Mt. Zion" or getting directions. You can't get there by doing anything. You can't find it by thinking, because the mind is full of shit.

This space is what you are. Look within. Quiet yourself, and look within, expecting nothing, except to enjoy sitting.

Your answer is there.